I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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