she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
