last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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