Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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