Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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