i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
