Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
