they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
