i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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