my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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