just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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