The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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