Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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