Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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