the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
