Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
