my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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