He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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