We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
