new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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