i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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