It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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