I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
