Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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