This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dick very happy bro
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
