they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
we should paint friendship bongs
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