is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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