Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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