Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How's work?
Spinning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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