wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
