Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
