TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
