She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
