Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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