I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
