I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
