I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
