You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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