dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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