So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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