My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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