I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
