He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
