True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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