I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
