I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
