OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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