Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
