i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
