I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
