I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
