what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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