It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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