I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
