im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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