Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
