i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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