porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
