You can't motorboat a personality
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
