i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You may now shotgun with the bride
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
