I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
