im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I touched a dick in church today
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
