Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize