Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize