I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
