I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
