UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
