I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
