I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize