look no pants
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
