i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
