Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize