I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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