hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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