proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
