Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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