He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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