Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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