oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
